My Testimony

Abortion- The Silent Sin, But Silent No More I was just 17 when I found out that I was pregnant. I was a good kid growing up. I knew the difference between right and wrong. But, one wrong choice changed my life forever!!! It was the summer before my senior year in high school. I had gone to the doctor after discovering my “cycle” was late…by two months. My results was positive…I was pregnant! What was I going to do? I asked my doctor if he performed abortions, if that became one of my choices, he said no. But, he gave me an address of a clinic that specialized in abortions. My reputation was on the line. I wasn’t the kind of girl that had sex! I believed in God and all His rules. I was in shock of what was happening? After all, everybody was doing it? Nobody was getting caught, unless they discussed it in public and became known as a “bad girl”. Why did guys always get a pat on the back if they had sex, but girls were branded with a bad reputation for life! I knew that wasn’t right! Nor, was it right to break the rules for what God wanted for me in my life! I didn’t know what to do. In my mind, I thought about… my reputation, how was I going to graduate high school, was I ready to get married and take care of a baby, etc. I had so many decisions and I was so confused. I knew the only way out for me was not suicide, but maybe I would try abortion. It seemed like a good idea. I remembered getting a pamphlet from my Home Economics teacher when she taught about Family Planning. In that pamphlet it talked about abortion like it was another form of birth control. The idea of getting rid of the problem sounded so appealing to me. But, that was so selfish of me to only think of myself. The day came when I made the decision to tell my parents that I was going to have an abortion. That this was my decision and it was what I wanted. I really wanted my life back the way it was. But, little did I know my life would never be the same again!!! I remember praying, “God help me! If I am condemned to hell for my decision, then I take full responsibility for what I am about to do! Don’t blame my boyfriend or my parents. It is solely my decision!” At this time in my life, I wasn’t sure what God’s punishment for taking the life of an innocent child was. Hell seemed like the only place suitable for punishment that I would spend my eternity! But, I would learn later, that God’s grace, love and mercy prevail over all mistakes!!! I remember reading a lot about abortion. The subject itself confused me on one thing…was this a baby or not? Am I killing an unborn child or am I justifying correcting my mistake? Everything that I read told me that if I was in the gestation of up to two months, then I was only getting rid of a “blob of tissue”. After that, they could not legally take it, because it would now be a baby. That made no sense to me. All my life when someone that I knew was pregnant, everyone would congratulate them for having a baby. It didn’t matter if they were pregnant a few weeks or months, this was definitely a baby. When I called to make the appointment for my abortion, I asked them was this a baby I was carrying? They assured me that it was only a “blob of tissue”. They convinced me that if I didn’t hurry and make my decision, then they couldn’t legally help me. My time was running out. I was in a loss for wisdom. The only thing I knew to do was…abort the mission. (Meaning, I had to get rid of my problem). Still, I was being so selfish! I prayed for mercy, but felt all alone. Not one person tried to talk me out of it. No one told me how God felt about abortions. It seemed like everyone wanted the same thing I did for me. But, why did it seem so wrong, if clinics say it is your choice. I would find out that even institutions don’t abide by God’s rules. We have allowed them to make abortion acceptable. The truth is Abortion is Murder in the eyes of God! But, He is a very loving and forgiving God, if we turn away from what is wrong. The bible says that He came to give us life and to have it abundantly. Satan came to kill, steal and destroy! Abortion is Satan’s domain! His lies are covering up the truth about abortion!!! I pray that my story will tear down the gates of hell! God’s way will lead you out of the pit into the light of truth!!! The day of my appointment for my abortion came. I remember the 30 minute ride on one beautiful Saturday morning. It seemed like an eternity. The beauty of that day gave me hope of a new way of thinking and a new way of living. I was never going to be the same again. I had no idea how true that was just about to play out in my life!!! When I reached the clinic, I checked in. My name was called. I was told they just needed to take a sample of my blood. The truth was they needed to check to see if I had thin blood. If it was too thin, then I could possibly bleed to death in surgery. I was ok, so the next step was to see a counselor and then pay for the operation. She was very polite and answered all my questions about the procedure. So, I asked the counselor one last time, was this a baby I was carrying or was it a “blob of tissue”. I was still desperately searching for the truth, before my surgery. She insisted and assured me that this was indeed a “blob of tissue”. So, the next step was to prepare me for surgery. As I went in, I was greeted by a very nice surgeon that assured me everything was going to be alright. He had me to count backwards from ten. He said “Ten...” then I said “Nine…Eight…” then that is all I remember before I woke up in the Recovery Room. When I awoke, I saw several young girls my age and older. Some were crying and some were in a daze. I remember my stomach was severely cramping. I was getting sick from the anesthesia. The nurse was very rude to me and others. She was shaking me awake and told my family in the waiting room that she had a problem getting me to wake up. The whole atmosphere behind the scenes of the clinic had changed to dismal. I saw no happy faces. After all, we were all getting rid of our problems, so why so grim? There was more happening here than we were being told. Did you know that Abortion is the only surgery that a woman has that she has no right to know about the whole procedure? No right?! Why don’t we have the right to know the truth? The reason is because if you knew the truth about abortion, you would never have one! It would be outlawed!!! The fact is, it is all about money. Abortion is a money making industry. I will discuss this fact later. What has happened to this country when money is more important than human life?! They say women have a choice, then let us choose life! Let us choose to be responsible for ourselves and of the lives of others. What has happened to the compassion for others? I immediately felt disgrace and shame come all over me. What have I done?! If this was the right thing to do, then why did I feel like the scum of the earth? I felt like I had disgraced my family, myself, my child that I never got to see, and now God! I felt like I had let them down in a way like never before. My whole world came crashing down! I left the clinic that day knowing what I had did was not right! But, what had changed? I came there with the intent that I was doing the right thing. I was told that no life was being lost. What had happened between the time I went to sleep during the procedure and the moment I woke up? I didn’t know until years later that I just had a God experience! While I was asleep God put determination into me to keep searching for the truth. This experience was not just for me, but for others to know that God is truly the only way out of this! Abortion is such an emotional issue. Too many emotions that you have to deal with, but to get out of the pit you have to deal with it! For the next twenty years I stayed in a prison that only existed in my mind and in my heart. Abortion is not something you want everyone to know about, especially when you have had one. For the reason of secrecy, you find it very hard to talk about it. You fear what people will think about you, especially those you love. You fear that someone will find out and ruin the reputation you have struggled to retain. You fear that someone will judge you for what you did and not look at who you have become because of it. I learned a huge lesson on life. Life is to be celebrated! You were made by God to be an over comer, through Jesus Christ! Who you are, is not determined by the things you own in life. It is what you do with your life that makes a difference in others lives. It is better to help others deal with the same problems as you, by telling your testimony. Your testimony shows that you have gone through similar situations and you know how they feel. You are just like them, dealing with tough times! It is important to show that any tough situation can be overcome. In my case, I allowed God to take over and be in control. He took my pain and rescued me, when nobody else could!!! Jesus came to heal broken hearts and set the captives free!!! If my testimony helps just one person, then it would have been worth it! Abortion did so much emotional damage to my life and I know that millions of other people feel the same way. In my case I had no other place to turn, but to God. I was tired of people letting me down. I was also tired of lies! I needed the truth to be told! People will eventually fail you in some way, but God cannot fail! He cannot lie! He is the Creator of everything good. He brings truth and light to His Word and to anyone that will listen! Due to all of the emotional pain that I suffered immediately after having an abortion, I gave my life to Christ two weeks after the abortion. I wanted Him to take my life and do something with it! It is not just females that suffer emotional damage after abortion, males do as well. Yes, males! Some men have chosen abortion for their partners. Some have chosen to go with a friend that chose abortion, but he didn’t agree with what she was doing. He was just there for her support. You too, can be set free from pain! Ask God to forgive you and He will do just that! You will be forgiven. God showed me many things during the twenty years I was in pain. One of the things He showed me was, you have to learn to forgive! Choose to forgive those that have hurt you! I had to learn to forgive people that I should have been able to trust! In my case, I had to forgive a doctor that told me where to get an abortion. I had to forgive the whole Abortion industry for giving me false information in their pamphlets that ultimately led me to make my decision. I had to forgive my boyfriend for getting me into this mess, but I couldn’t just blame him. After all, I was involved. I had to forgive my parents for stepping back and not stepping up when I needed them the most. (They never talked to me about the abortion. They didn’t try to talk me out of it, nor did they ever talk to me about my abortion ever again. They just acted like it never happened). And the last person that took longer to forgive…was me!!! I knew that I had hurt my parents deeply for the decision that I had made. I knew my decision changed people’s lives, not just mine. Your decisions will affect all those around you, in one way or another. In my search for the truth about abortion, I started getting into reading the Bible. I wanted to learn what the Bible said about abortion. I spent many years in prayer needed God to get rid of my pain. But, God knew He had to teach me a few things first, before He delivered me. I read inspirational books that showed me how to get out of the pit I was in. I watched Christian TV to minister to me about pain and how to deal with it. I joined a Christian Ministry online that dealt with Abortion and how God deals with my pain. It was there, that healing started taking place. I listened to Christian music to heal my soul, but I lacked one thing…I needed a touch from God…a healing like none other! Then the day that I had waited for finally came! One Sunday morning, I was in church. Our worship leader said she had planned on us singing a certain song, but God had led her to change the song. She also said that this song was meant for somebody. As the congregation stood to sing a song in our hymnal, I barely got out three words and then it happened! I felt the presence of Jesus standing right behind me! I felt Him lean over my left shoulder and whisper in my ear, “This one’s for you!” I then felt something like warm honey being poured from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Those boulders (pain) that I had carried for twenty years on my shoulders were gone!!! I was healed!!! No more pain. No more shame, just complete and total peace! By His Grace, I was Forgiven!!! No one had the right to make me feel guilty anymore. I will forever be sorry for what I did. God knows my heart. He knows that I will tell others the truth about abortion and it will all be for His Glory!!! I want you to know how awesome my God is!!! He knew that I wanted to see the child that I aborted. I wanted to tell my child that I was so sorry for what I did and needed to be forgiven!!! So, one day He allowed me to see her in a vision. What I saw was not an infant, like I had imagined what my child would look like. I saw a beautiful twenty something year old girl with long reddish brown hair flowing down her back and big bluish-green eyes. She stood before me with a white robe (the robe of righteousness) and her arms were stretched out fully to welcome me! God allowed me to know what she was saying by welcoming me. She forgave me!!! Imagine that, she also forgave me for what I did! God is real. He is alive! And He is the ultimate Healer!!! God will go to any length to heal your pain! His Grace is sufficient and He is right on time, every time! He loves you and would not stop at anything to deliver you! It doesn’t matter what you have done in your life. He still loves you. He created you… He knows how to heal you!!! Let today be your day for total healing and restoration!!! Give it all to Jesus and surrender all!!!